Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
