i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
