As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
