Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
