For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
