Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
