If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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