You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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