There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She's the barista slut.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
