We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
