i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
