i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You are the jesus of drinking
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
