I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
