I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
