ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
