Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
