Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
