Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
