Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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