I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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