I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
