YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
