We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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