Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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