so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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