Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
