"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
