I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
