I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
