he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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