She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
