as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
