That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You are a genius and a whore.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
