Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
