i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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