we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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