$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
