I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
