So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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