I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
