he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
ok first of all what the fuck
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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