Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
