When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
