I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
