Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
