I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
