why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
