haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I love you. Go after that dick
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
