hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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