Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
