we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i think i scared a bird with my dick
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
