In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
