i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My bed smells like the plague
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
