everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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