We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
