I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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