I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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