Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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